Changed the beginning so all the verbs are in the present tense. Stopped arbitrarily after "The womanly curves of her body, the shape of her hips, the plumpness and heft within her breasts, the beautiful face formed from the formless undulations of the rest of her body are all a facsimile." since I noticed the tense shifts entirely to past. You need to either go through the story changing the verbs to a single tense or mark a clear change in narrative style to explain the shift in tense.
"Sitting atop her head were feline ears, the girl's eyes yellow with thin black slits and teeth, pointed and carnivorous." This line implies all these features are on top of her head.
"That meant there was only one conclusion: This was her world and if that was true" Probably incorrect colon use. It's been a long time since I learned how to use one properly however, and I may be mistaken.
"looked like the opposite of his brother whom he also resembled" contradictory
"A whole town, walls and all, overrun in under a fortnight" Do you really mean fortnight here? A fortnight is two weeks which seems excessive to take a town with no real resistance.
Zerin refers to "my God" a lot but it seems out of character for a zealot like him to acknowledge other gods

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