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"To say I got a little irate would be an understatement" calling my ____ very small would be understating it. This sentence fights itself, but it could be a stylistic thing so w/e "She counted off each title on her fingers and thumb, clenching them into a fist which she held up into the air for the last... Wait... Retired? Six instead of five? "That's right. Retired." She is responding to his thoughts. He doesn't actually say anything about the retired part. "I might already be in trouble if that's as worked about it as I could get." as worked about it? "We continued walking through the maze of paths and auxiliary bunkers. Old, rusted and broken down equipment that looked as though it had been stripped of parts was strewn everywhere. Flood gates, old storerooms, everything to maintain a large facility. Most of them were crumbled. Some rooms had half of the roof caved in. In other places there were less refined artifacts. Old pickaxes with rotten wooden handles and turned over mine carts. I remembered what had been said about this long ago. There used to be an irrigation system here, but it was also a mine." Is this whole part a dwarf fort reference, or am I just a huge sperg?
"But before colliding with face, a brilliant flash of a sickly pale yellow sparked but was then shattered. When the witch hit the back of her head against the wall, the same flash of yellow lit off like a spark and shattered as well." confusing "I just threw your special ops through a wall." kek "I got other things to do today." have but dialogue "She muttered something under her breath as she turned her head down in my direction for a second while still keeping an eye on all the witches now popping their heads out from cover." too many parts. confusing "And I was still prone at where it was all gathering." prone? "neared terminal velocity. It was the strangest thing though. I was falling without the feeling of air rushing past my face." Just gonna be a huge nerd for a second. He is falling without air rushing past his face, and he can't feel the stone slowing him at all which implies he is falling in a vacuum, but there is no terminal velocity when falling in a vacuum. "There was one upside to where I was before though, I felt me on the straight and narrow." ? "Ba'el's miserly weight on my back had disappeared" can't feel weight in free fall "about a dozen meters per second" vast underestimate. You exceed a dozen meters per second after just two seconds of free fall. 9.8*t=v (vacuum) where t is time in seconds and v is speed in meters per second. I need to stop. I have class in the morning.
