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Chapter 89

Revisions (4)

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August 4, 2015 at 4:10:04 pm by Anonymoose
  (Current revision)

"A quick self inflicted Indian burn on my left arm registered no pain" how can you Indian burn with one hand?

"And on cue a man came around the corner with a hurried step to his gait. A thick down winter jacket hung from his shoulders. His cheeks and nose were cold bitten and red, but a layer of sweat poured down from his forehead. His arm had a red binder tucked underneath, and he clung to for dear life." good chance here to describe Laven's features again and see if the reader can put it together before the reveal

Generally you should get a single shtick for the Laven Laven interaction. Refer to him solely as He or Me or Other Me or go out of your way to show Laven is confused as to how to address the other him.

"The wold world stopped" whole world? world just once?

August 4, 2015 at 3:51:11 pm by some editor
   

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July 17, 2015 at 8:40:13 pm by Anonymoose
   

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July 17, 2015 at 8:34:43 pm by Anonymoose